Snape's Meaning in Life
by appleorange77
Summary: Severus Snape finds meaning in protecting Harry, as the boy is about to start is time at Hogwarts.


"Well, tonight is the night. How do you feel Severus?" Dumbledore asked calmly as he sat in his office.

"Sir?" Snape looked confused - why would he feel any different about tonight? Yes, new students were coming to the castle, but he had been through this for almost eleven years now. There wasn't really anything to feel when it came to this.

"Don't look so confused, Severus. You know this is the year the boy is coming to the castle."

Snape looked annoyed. "That doesn't change a thing. All it does is make my job easier… since he will be in the castle it's less to worry about when it comes to protecting the boy."

"Easier? You truly believe that it will be easy to interact with him and not feel anything? To look at him and not see Lily?" Dumbledore knew he had hit a chord with Snape as soon as he jerked his head and glared at the mention of Lily's name. Snape could do nothing but stop himself from exploding with emotion. He felt himself falling backwards to a simpler time - to when Lily was alive and young.

Snape looked across the train cart at her. Could it have really just been months ago that he met this muggleborn witch? In just these few months, he had felt such weird feelings about her. They had just become friends and were now on their way to Hogwarts together. He knew they would have the best next seven years learning and growing together. All he could do was hope that this feeling and friendship wouldn't end after school did.

"Severus! You're daydreaming again. What was it this time? More cauldrons?" She joked.

"Very funny. No, I was thinking about school and what houses we might end up in. Of course, I should be in Slytherin, but which do you think you'll be in, Lily?"

"I told you already, who knows if I will even get in one? I don't have any magical blood like you," she said sadly. To this, Snape felt awful. He knew she was worried and shouldn't have brought it up. Lily always made him feel so happy, something he didn't feel was possible sometimes - and here he was making her feel sad and alone.

"Lily, come on now. Hogwarts doesn't make mistakes… You are already in! It's just a matter of where you think you might have better friends!" Snape thought he saw a glimpse of a smile in her beautiful green eyes.

"Well in that case, I want to be in Slytherin." Snape looked surprised. "So, I can be close to my best friend!" To this, Snape could think of no way to respond but sit and smile. He knew she would never be in Slytherin because she was muggleborn… but he still was so happy that his friend wanted to be with him. He knew that nothing could break them apart… not even a difference in houses.

"How could he think that I would be ok with you and him? You deserve so much better!" Snape yelled and then paused. After a long silence, he continued in a more normal tone, "Lily, listen, you are better than him. Him, an ungrateful, bully of a person."

Lily looked up with anger and tears in her eyes, "Severus please, you were my best friend. After we stopped speaking two years ago, I thought that was the end. You were the first person I ever met that truly understood me. Now, after five minutes of speaking again, you already start yelling at me?! I'm asking you to please give him a chance. James has changed… let him have the time to earn your forgiveness."

They both sat in silence. Lily was waiting, hoping, that Severus would agree. She wanted her old best friend back… but knew that she wouldn't give James up. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, Snape opened his mouth to speak. What came out was cold, heartless, and unforgiving. "He's not the only one who has changed. It seems that neither one of us really wants this friendship back…. Goodbye Lily."

"Severus, wait…" She was cut off by a loud 'crack' which then fell to a deafening silence. He was gone… Lily's old best friend was gone forever.

Snape opened his eyes and found himself looking back at Dumbledore. He was in the castle and back to his conversation. "Are you ok, Severus? Daydreaming again?"

"What? Oh… Yes, I'm fine." He paused, "Did I ever tell you about the last time I saw Lily?"

"Yes… Wasn't it the night you picked up the boy?" Dumbledore said with certainty. Snape looked uncomfortable.

"No…. no. Not that, the last time we spoke?" With a shake of the headmaster's head 'no,' Snape began to tell him his story. Throughout the whole thing, Dumbledore kept a very intentful look on his face, as if he was learning something for the first time. Snape was not used to this new look, as there wasn't much Dumbledore didn't know. When Snape was finished with his story, he said, "I never spoke to Lily again, I never saw her green eyes again, and I never…" Snape trailed off. "So, when you ask how I feel about seeing him tonight - I don't know. I've been wondering for years… If I'll feel hate for him taking my Lily away, or if seeing him will give me some peace." All through this, Dumbledore sat in silence listening. He knew Snape hadn't taken the time to prepare himself for tonight and wanted to make sure there wouldn't be any problems once the boy arrived. The question now was how to help Severus through this. Not that he was surprised if he hadn't, but he also wondered if Snape had grieved at all in the last eleven years.

"Severus, listen to me. Harry is not at fault for the deaths of Lily and James. Only Tom can be blamed for that. Harry will one day do great things, and you must remember your task to protect him. I know that this is not going to be easy for you, but do it for Lily." Snape looked confused, and Dumbledore waited to hear his confusion.

"For Lily…" He said quietly. "I would do anything for her… anything. I will always love her. But how will what I do, be for her? She's gone." Snape started to drop his face and tear up at the thought of her death.

To this Dumbledore simply smiled, "Lily is here. She has never left. She lives on in our memories and in her son. The love that she had for him is so great, that it still lives. By protecting Harry, you are making sure Lily didn't die in vain, and that her sacrifice and love will continue." Snape looked up and whipped his tears on his black cloak. He not only was going to continue his task of protecting the boy, but know he felt as if he understood it. Snape felt that he had a purpose to keep going forward. It was for Lily, always.

Snape took his seat at the front table in the Great Hall and was quickly joined by Professor Quirrell. He had such a dislike for this man and never really understood why. Quirrell started to make small talk with Snape, and he regretfully, joined in. The new students were about to arrive, which meant the boy would soon be here as well. Just then, the doors to the hall opened, and Professor McGonagall entered with the fresh faced, wide eyed new students.

Without looking too eager, Snape tried to find the boy as the room went silent. Dumbledore gave the room a warm welcome and then had McGonagall start the sorting process. This was the time. Soon he would see the boy. Student after student went up to the hat and was sorted. He was happy when he received new students for his house, but Snape kept waiting for the one that mattered that night.

Finally, his name was called, "Harry Potter." The room seemed to explode in whispers. Snape saw Dumbledore sit up in his seat just as he did the same. After the boy took his seat Snape realized he hadn't gotten a chance to look at his face yet. From the way he walked to his messy black hair and pale skin, he reminded Snape of another fellow Hogwarts student. When the sorting hat finally placed him, the boy ran down to his new house to take his seat. When he turned around, Snape saw them. It was as if Lily was there with him. Harry Potter had Lily's beautiful green eyes. Snape looked in her eyes, and as the rest of the world seemed to melt away, he knew what he was going to do. What he would always do for Lily.


End file.
